


A Touch of Madness

by Snake (Fatality145)



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M, Shenko - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-06
Updated: 2012-04-06
Packaged: 2017-11-03 03:40:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/376704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fatality145/pseuds/Snake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Major Alenko finds Shepard drunkenly faceplanted into his desk, leading him to his bed, and leading towards speech more deep than he had anticipated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Touch of Madness

“EDI…?” He softly spoke, glancing up around the small room just before the Commander’s quarters. It was strange, almost. He found himself sometimes unable to distinguish between the AI being human and being nothing more than complex wiring and electricity, formed by man to be as close to man as possible, with both fewer and more restrictions than either.

 

            “Yes, Major Alenko?” EDI’s automated tone responded, almost instantly, monotonous, from seemingly nowhere, but everywhere at the same time. Through the layers upon layers of thick, reinforced metal, nobody would be able to hear their exchange, but the AI spoke more quietly in turn with Kaidan’s hushed volume, another reason for the man to doubt her being no more than a delicately designed machine. Faintly sighing, he lifted a hand, running it through his dark hair.

 

            “Commander Shepard in here?” He asked with attempted nonchalance, unable to stop himself from looking around again, feeling a bit disadvantaged at having no kind of facial expressions or bodily movements from EDI to work upon. The AI wasn’t exactly expressive, but she had a more human feeling than any other he had encountered.

 

            “Yes.” She answered with the same unfeeling. Kaidan stood, back straight, arms by his sides, as he was always trained.

 

            “Is he asleep, yet?” His questions seemed dragged, not yet knowing what exactly he wanted to hear from her. It wasn’t as though he needed permission to enter the Commander’s quarters, Shepard has told Kaidan that himself. He had spent enough time in that room as of late that it had almost become his own, really. Something in him, however, caused the Major to feel as though he were some kind of intruder, a thought he couldn’t shake just yet.

 

            “I have been monitoring his brain wave patterns and physiological responses,” EDI began, “There are no longer presences of sleep spindles or K-complexes in his psychological electrical brain activity, and the brainwaves he is showing are over fifty-percent dominated with Delta waves. Body scans sho—“

 

            “Is he asleep or not?” Kaidan interrupted. He didn’t need a full explanation of the workings of Shepard’s body; just a simple answer would be fine.

 

            “…Yes, Commander Shepard is currently in a deep state of alcohol induced sleep,” EDI answered, her robotic voice holding the faintest amount of irritability at being interrupted by the Major.

 

            Kaidan sighed again, thanking the AI before stepping forward, the automatic doors sliding open before him into Shepard’s quarters. It was entirely as he remembered, almost every facet of the room committed to his memory, by now – the replica ships, the faint music in the background, piled, bloodied armour stacked with odd precision, the bare, lit fish tank spreading a slight, blue haze over the neat space. The shadows were light, various glows of the ship keeping everything visible; it was a wonder they could ever fall asleep with all the stimuli, but he guessed they were just used to it.

 

            Entering the room, the doors slid silently closed behind him, the Major turning his head to land his eyes upon the hunched over body of Commander Shepard, an almost empty bottle of whiskey beside his head which lay cradled in his crossed arms, leaning on his desk, chair under him, holding him up, almost about to slide out from beneath his backside. The man’s shoulders rose and fell with his rhythmic breath, eyes closed, unmoving, lips slightly parted.

 

            A smile slowly curved Kaidan’s mouth as he walked over. He had caught the Commander like this a few times before, it was the same procedure, and he was happy to help, his arm wrapping around Shepard’s shoulders, leaning down to be at his level. The Major shook him softly, trying to rouse him from his drunken slumber, murmuring his name to him with a calming reverence, even now in this state.

 

            Piercing blue eyes opened partially, pupils blown wide before thinning out, responding to the light of the room, small needles of bloodshot veins showing in the whites. Shepard blinked deliberately, focusing on nothing until his brain caught up, eyes sliding over to Kaidan, relaxing, the fading cracks of scars glowing against his skin.

 

            “You okay, Commander…? You aren’t gonna’ go green on me, are you?” The Major asked with a low, benign laugh, bringing his hand up to hold the back of his neck, the prickles of buzzed hair brushing under his palm. Shepard didn’t answer, but shook his head – he could hold his liquor, despite being past the point of comprehensible speech, at that moment. There was an amber datapad beneath the Commander’s cheek, flickering with distortions from the pressure.

 

            Kaidan merely, lopsidedly grinned in response, bringing his hand back down to curl it beneath Shepard’s arm. “Come on, bet this desk isn’t all that comfortable,” He told him, tenderly helping him from the chair. The Commander complied, pressing a hand to the desk surface to help up his dead weight, not that the other couldn’t carry him easily – he could throw him against the furthest wall without an ounce of difficulty, if he wanted to – but he didn’t want to be completely dependent.

 

            Shepard’s feet lagged, taking a few staggering steps whenever he could as he was lead over to the end of the bed, Kaidan turning them and sitting them down on the pristinely made up covers. The Major let him go to crouch before him; the other was still fully dressed in his casual wear. He slipped his hands under the N7 hoody and shirt he wore, smooth but battle-worn skin beneath his touch, pushing it up from his toned stomach and chest. Lifting his arms and tipping his head back, Shepard let out a warm and alcohol tinged breath, the cooled air a nice change upon his flushed skin, so much so gooseflesh began to rise on his arms, hair standing on end as he slowly grew acclimatised.

 

            Leaning up, Kaidan gave him the lightest of kisses, Shepard only responding to it with a tilt of his head after he had leant back down, helping him take off his sweat pants, leaving him in his underwear, which the Commander didn’t seem to have a problem with. Standing back straight, the Major piled up the other’s clothes, turning to place them on the chair he had been sitting on before facing him again.

 

            “You’re going to have one nasty hangover in the morning, Commander,” Kaidan laughed again, waving his hand, “How about you get some rest, huh?” Those azure eyes looked up at him, as sharp as ever despite his inebriation, causing him to involuntarily swallow, staring back down at Shepard. They always had that effect on him. Some may call it a weakness, but he loved it, giving an amused huff and toeing out of his shoes.

 

            Gripping the hem of his own shirt, Kaidan flexed out his chest as he pulled the material up and away from his body, shedding himself down as he had Shepard. Looked like he was staying there, tonight - the Commander needed someone around to stop him from choking on his own vomit in the early hours of the morning, after all. Again, it was something he didn’t have an issue helping with.

 

            The Major walked around to the side of the bed, Shepard’s head turning to follow him with his eyes as Kaidan slid onto the covers, beckoning him over. He obliged, slowly pushing himself back, hands twitching a bit, the room swirling like a drain which he ignored to his best abilities, to be beside the other. Reaching down, the biotic pulled the covers over them, resting into the pillows which were starting to show an indent of pressure from his nights spent in this very bed.

 

            Shepard lay like a log, relaxing into the sheets, eyes barely kept open, the skin beneath starting to show dark rings of tire. His lids dropped once he felt a soft kiss to his temple, a calloused hand holding the opposite side of his face, sighing out a slow breath. Sluggishly, he turned to meet the kiss, which ended up being more just the touch of lips upon lips, rather than the proper action itself.

 

            The hand at his face slid down to his collarbones and chest, encircling his torso. John attempted to clear his mind just enough to turn over and face him, burying in under his jaw. His eyelashes scathed the other’s throat as he breathed in his scent, that scent, though marred with cologne, as many of them on the ship had to use when there wasn’t enough time to shower, was burnt into his senses, finally letting his eyes close indefinitely, his arms moving to wrap around the Major’s chest with awkward coordination.

 

            Kaidan smiled against the Commander’s scalp, arms holding his shoulders. It would be fun to tell him in the morning what he _didn’t_ do, rather than what he did. It wasn’t uncommon for Shepard to go a bit off handle after a few drinks, but he supposed this night wasn’t one of them, falling into the cadence of the faint humming of the ship and Shepard’s methodical breath, falling into sleep.

 

\--

 

He slept dreamlessly, as it usually was with drunken slumber, his face still pressed against the Major’s chest. The pounding in his head woke him up, and something told him it wasn’t quite the day after entirely, yet, barely intact circadian rhythms trying to urge him back to sleep. Shepard shifted, knowing exactly where he was and how he got there, for once.

 

            Kaidan beside him still seemed asleep, the Commander curling his fingers in against his bare shoulder blades, the skin humming with heat beneath his fingertips. He didn’t move any further than stretching out the knotted muscles in his legs, in fear of waking the other up, and he was as comfortable as he could ever be in his arms.

 

            His breath came out warmly against the Major’s collarbones, opening his pained eyes to the pale flesh before him. He could see every pore, every faded, minute scar, the dots of small freckles, up this close, his lips brushing against them. Shepard’s stomach threatened to war against him, but he held whatever it was down, he had a gut of lead. It wouldn’t be quite the good show to shove Kaidan out of the bed in his attempt to scramble out of bed and into his bathroom to chuck, handling the perpetual ache and slowness of his hangover.

 

            After the first few times, the Commander had become used to waking up next to the other, especially after uncomfortably coming down from his drunken splendour, so this came to no surprise, to have his arms around Kaidan and Kaidan’s around him, the Major’s jaw resting atop his head, sleeping so close.

 

            Something began scratching in his throat, becoming incessant as he tried to breathe. He cleared it softly, the sound and movement apparently being enough to wake the man next to him. Kaidan groaned lightly, opening his eyes to the room to immediately closing them at the light, squeezing them tight before forcing himself to adjust. He swathed his hands over Shepard’s shoulders, flexing himself out a bit before he tipped his head down, kissing the Commander’s forehead then resting his upon it.

 

            “…Hung-over?” He prodded with a half-smirk at the obviously trashed look on Shepard’s face.

 

            “Not at all,” The other responded, his voice thick from the events, taking an arm away from Kaidan to rub his still-tired eyes, letting out a long and low grunt. The Major snorted, rolling his eyes light-heartedly. Always like him to deny weakness even when it was plain on his face. “Could you get me a drink…?” Shepard continued, doubting he could walk properly – knowing he couldn’t walk properly. He knew it, Kaidan knew it, the whole damn ship probably knew it, the man glancing up at him then back down to his chest.

 

            “Hey, I already dragged you to your bed and got you comfortable,” Kaidan began with feigned annoyance as he started to peel himself away from Shepard, “And now you ask me this, geeze, gotta’ give some to get some, Commander,” Throwing his legs over the side of the bed, he shot the man a joking grin over his shoulder, Shepard turning onto his chest and pressing his face into the pillows; he could just hear the grin in his voice, a muffled ‘thank you’ coming from the sheets.

 

            Kaidan ran a hand up the back of the other’s neck and scalp before pushing himself up from the bed and padding over to the bathroom, grabbing a fluorescent cup from the bench and filling it with cold water. He looked up at himself at the mirror, dark brown eyes staring back. Turning his head from side to side, he ran his free hand over his growing stubble before swivelling on his heels to walk back into the bedroom.

 

            Shepard still as he was, the Major sat back down beside him, crossing one of his legs and pressing the side of the cup against the other’s temple, a visible shudder rolling through him at the cold feel. He thought he heard even a small purr come from him. The Commander turned his head, pressing a palm to the bed to push himself up and squeezing his eyes shut to fight against the sudden pang of pain in his skull. He didn’t get very far, however, ending up resting his head on Kaidan’s thigh in the most least awkward position to drink in.

 

            He took the cup with a shaky hand, lips closing around the rim of it and tipping it up to take a deep drag. Shepard gave a husky, pleasant moan at the coolness coating his dry throat, washing the consumed night away, slightly alleviating the pounding in his head.

 

            “No hangover my ass…” Kaidan muttered, causing the Commander to cough softly into the cup as he tried to laugh. He snorted, taking the drink from him once it was empty and placing it on the bedside table before sliding his back down the headboard onto the covers and next to Shepard who had his face half back in the pillows. “You’re gonna’ be feeling this all day, aren’t you? Don’t lie, I saw how much you drank,” The Major told him, jerking a thumb back at the empty whiskey bottle.

 

            “…I hope not,” Shepard finally confessed, looping his arms around the other’s waist.

 

            “All the cybernetics in the world couldn’t save _your_ liver as of late, what’s up, Commander?” His voice held a tinge of concern. It was true, the Commander had been drinking more heavily than usual. Shepard stared absently as his fingers traced the small of Kaidan’s back. He blinked a few times before looking up at him.

 

            “…Nothing,” Shepard answered. His tone was true, hiding no ulterior meaning. There was, literally, no reason. He just did.

 

            He watched him as the Major cocked a brow, laying back and crossing an arm beneath his head.

 

            “Not quite sure I believe that,”

 

            “Really. It’s like asking someone why they do anything.”

 

            “ _Yeah_ … But this is a strange pastime to pick up, not that I don’t condone it,” Kaidan answered, rubbing his eyes and cleaning them of the sleep left in the corners. “People don’t usually do this for no real reason,”

 

            “Do you want a reason, Major?” Asked Shepard, his cheek pressed against the other’s chest.

 

            “I would like one,”

 

            “…It feels nice?” He tried, feeling the sudden compression of Kaidan’s chest as he breathed out.

 

“Yeah, whatever,” The man concluded with a soft laugh, the arm not behind his head wrapping around Shepard’s shoulders, again. “I don’t know… I just thought… maybe there was a more worrying reason to it, like… maybe you wanted to forget, at least for a little while.”

 

            If that was the case, Kaidan couldn’t blame him, not even in the slightest. The Commander may have been in a position of power and influence, one of the best bets the world and galaxy had at surviving the Reapers… but that didn’t release him from human emotions and stresses. Any other person he knew would have cracked long ago from the pressure, from everything he had seen and everything he had done, it only would have been natural for him to want to pretend, as he had said, at least for a little while, that nothing had happened at all, that he was _normal_ ,and not the most talked about man in the universe, that there was no multigalactic war threatening to extinguish all life as they knew it. It actually would have been proper for Shepard to act that way.

 

But he knew better. Nobody was more suited, more ready, for the responsibility of the world upon his shoulders. It started and ended with the Commander. That’s all there was to it.

 

“Do you think that I would want to forget, Kaidan…?” Shepard asked after a moment, placing a hand on the man’s stomach and looking up at him with those sharp eyes, still holding lingering signs of bloodshot. Glancing down from those eyes, though, the Major found there was a small smile playing on his lips, not quite sure what to make of it.

 

“What I mean is… I’d be able to understand if you would, with everything that’s happening,” He tipped a shoulder. “…Just… If I was in your position…” A pause, “Don’t you wish you could just…” Kaidan’s mouth twisted, words breaking apart in his head. “Don’t you wish… you could give it all up, one way or another…?” He was pretty sure, despite his worded garbage, that Shepard would get the hint. What came next, though, he wasn’t expecting.

 

The Commander laughed, his fingernails grazing over his stomach. Frowning deeply at the response, Kaidan sighed, looking to him again for answers, Shepard’s eyes crinkled in the corners from his continued smile.

 

“I have too much to live for, Kaidan, always have,” He offered the Major in simple explanation. When the look on the other’s face gave off the impression that it wasn’t suitable, Shepard continued after taking a deep breath and letting it out, “…Sure, the thoughts have crossed my mind, but they don’t linger, and I don’t need liquor to get rid of them,” He assured him, gripping his side. “I understand… who would have guessed all of this, right…?” His smile cracked slightly, glancing away from the other. “But… I’ve accepted it, this is what it is,” He seemed to be having the same amount of difficulty with his words as Kaidan had. “…The world we knew won’t come back… But I’m not going to let it change any further… It needs me, it needs all of us,” Shepard’s voice had grown low, a soft murmur as his mind swept onto other, related ideas, the headache still present.

 

He didn’t usually let this happen; he had to keep his head clear and on track, ready for anything and not bogged down with any baggage… But around Kaidan he felt he could at least allow himself that one comfort. After a silent moment, he looked back at the Major, the smile back.

 

“As I said, I have too much to live for,” Shepard leant up, his still-half asleep body moving slow, to press a tender kiss to the other’s neck, the stubble there grazing his lips. “Even more so, now,” The arm around his shoulders tightened in response, finally getting a twitch in Kaidan’s mouth upwards.

 

“Yeah… I get it,” The biotic whispered, body falling slack again. At least he understood a bit better, now. Shepard didn’t feel obliged to his work. His work was him, a part of who he was, he lived and breathed it, made him what he was, made him one of the most powerful men in the entire universe. And Kaidan couldn’t deny that determination, his intense prowess in his field, was one of the major attractions he had towards the Commander. This conversation was slowly growing uncomfortable within degrees of pain, and Shepard would understand if he wanted to drop it.

 

“The rest of the crew probably won’t be awake for a few more hours; you should get more sleep if you want to be actually functioning for the rest of the day,” Kaidan said, the other immediately catching the drift.

 

“I told you, I’m fine,” The Commander could definitely use more sleep, but he wasn’t about to state it, the lingering effects of his night of drinking taking root in his limbs, they’d refuse to leave until he completely slept them off. As he said that, though, the mere thought of it was lulling him back into unconsciousness, Kaidan noting this with a grin and getting comfortable next to the man.

 

No where else he would rather be.

 

\--

 

The next few hours passed relatively quick, feeling the ship around him come to life, hearing the gears and mechanics humming faintly louder, though nothing obtrusive. It took him a moment before he noticed his arms were empty, the Major quirking a brow with his eyes still closed, wrapping his arms up against himself. He was definitely alone in Shepard’s bed, now.

 

            Kaidan opened his eyes, much as he suspected, the bed was empty beside him. With a shift of his muscles, he turned his head, finding the Commander’s chair placed near him, clean clothes of his folded neatly resting upon the seat. He couldn’t help his short laugh, lying back down on his stomach to revel in the lingering heat Shepard had left beside him.

 

_No great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness._

            And the man’s madness was his ability to get up every morning, even with a killer hangover. To soldier on, as if nothing had ever happened at all and live every day.

 

Every time. 

**Author's Note:**

> ((First fic in the Mass Effect fandom, weeeeeow ~ Note - I haven't yet played ME3 ;~; so I hope I didn't mess things up too hard with the details, sob.))


End file.
